Have you seen the video of the Venezuelan tanks rolling down the streets of Houston and San Diego? It's easier to invade from the south, of course.
Did you hear that General Motors, Intel, Walmart, and the federal government declared bankruptcy yesterday?
And, of course, with the armies of the second Civil War raging throughout the country, you heard that we were forced to cancel the Constitution, right?
No. No, you haven't. You haven't heard any of these things because none of them are happening.
If they were happening, boy, that would be really bad, wouldn't it?
And I'm guessing you'd probably see it for yourself - citizen militias trading fire, foreign soldiers shooting up and bombing government buildings, tens if not hundreds of thousands of people out of work, lining up for bread.
But again, you won't see any of this because not one of these national emergencies is happening.
But the Trump administration wants you to think - needs you to think - that we are living in a world like that, one of clear and present crisis and danger.
Because without that sense of emergency, Trump would not have the power to do a lot of what he's doing.
Let's get into it.
Let's start with the economy.
Trump's one-man, on-again/off-again tariff war is only possible because of the International Emergency Economic Powers Act. That law gives broad authority to presidents to unilaterally control the economy. But only if there's an emergency. And who decides if there's an emergency? Well, the president.
This is the law that Trump is relying on to get around Congress, which, under the Constitution, is the only branch that can impose taxes.
And tariffs are taxes. On imports. That Americans pay.
In the past, this law has been used to impose sanctions, hunt down international computer hackers, or break up terrorist funding networks.
But now Trump is using it for a tariff and trade war.
And no one, yet, has challenged him on this. Thanks, Republican cowards in Congress.
And thanks for the news today that the economy shrank in the first quarter, too. So much winning.
Let's move on to national security.
Trump has also declared that immigration is a national emergency. Why do that? Because that unlocks all sorts of presidential powers under the Alien Enemies Act of 1798.
You heard that right - 1798.
Under that law, the president can only declare an emergency if the country is facing an "invasion or predatory incursion". The claim is that illegal immigrant criminal gangs operating in the US are that "predatory incursion".
Really? What - these criminals are the equivalent of an army - or maybe an armed militia - invading our borders in order to overthrow the US or haul away booty or something?
At some level, if that's persuasive to you, I don't know what to say.
For context, the Alien Enemies Act has only been used three times before: during the War of 1812, World War I, and World War II."
For my part, I can think of a "predatory incursion" that happened on our Capitol on January 6th, 2021, that felt like an emergency. But I digress.
So, back to why Trump needs immigration to be a national emergency.
See, there's a little thing called the Constitution. It puts all sorts of constraints on the federal government. The Founding Fathers were concerned about tyranny and all that, so they made sure that people's individual liberties would be protected.
But by declaring an emergency, Trump is looking to get around that and maximize his push to deport people, regardless of whether it's Constitutional or not to do so.
Let me explain.
Under the Fifth Amendment, every person subject to US law is guaranteed "due process". That is, they are supposed to get their day in court.
How does that apply here?
Suppose the feds pick someone up that they say should be deported. Potentially great. Look, I don't want people in the country illegally, especially violent thugs.
But potentially bad. Exactly how did the feds determine that the person is indeed in the country illegally or that the person is a violent criminal?
In our system, under that Fifth Amendment, the feds have to justify themselves. They aren't just empowered to run around however they see fit, answering only to themselves. No, they have to go to court in some way. There has to be a process. And that process is due to everyone. Due process.
Now, the Trump administration has tried hard to ignore all of this - again, citing an emergency. They want to claim the unilateral right to throw anyone out, based totally on their own judgment.
And I mean, anyone, by the way. They've even deported US citizens. A two-year-old girl - born here, so a citizen - yes, we still have birthright citizenship in this country, despite yet another order on that topic by Trump - this little girl was recently shipped off with her mother to Honduras, even though the father tried to keep her here.
You might also have heard of the case of Kilmar Abrego Garcia. He's from El Salvador. He managed to get a court judgment years ago that allowed him to stay here legally. Regardless, the Trump administration shipped him off to a prison camp back in El Salvador. There's some debate as to whether he was a nice guy or not. Not to sound heartless, but I don't care. That's not the issue.
The Trump administration wants to claim that it can unilaterally, answerable to no one, with no due process, no day in court, deport people.
Well, that claim made its way all the way to the Supreme Court, and earlier this month, the justices decided nine to zero - nine to zero! - that everybody still deserves due process.
By the way, they also said that the Trump administration must "facilitate" Abrego Garcia's return, but so far, Trump has refused to follow the court's instructions. He hasn't lifted a finger to do that. We're living in that Constitutional crisis right now. Good times.
Again, Trump is doing all of this under the color of there being an emergency.
But who, again here, gets to declare the emergency? Just the president. That's it. He says so, so now we have an emergency.
Look, in genuine times of war and security - both shooting wars and economic trouble - there's often a real need for speed. Even George Washington himself was for a robust executive at times and supported our new Constitution. He, after all, was shaped by war, fighting for independence. Famously, Abraham Lincoln violated Constitutional rights during the Civil War and so did FDR during World War II.
But look - that is simply not what we have today.
We do not have real emergencies. We have manufactured emergencies. Declared by one man, who relishes having vast amounts of personal power.
I mean, check in with yourself.
Are you naturally feeling panicked at the state of things outside your window? Do you feel the emergency in your bones?
I look outside my window, spring is springing, the birds are chirping, neighbors are mowing their lawns, and most people are just going to work, getting to school, and trying to get daily life done.
Yes, we have real problems in this country. I'm a guarded supporter of tariffs and rebalancing our trade, especially with China, and bringing back key industries to the US. I'm not a supporter of widespread lawlessness in the form of illegal immigration. Rule of law cuts both ways. And I'm happy that the surge at the border has stopped. Credit where credit's due for Trump on that one.
But the current condition of the country does not mean we should sideline Congress and courts and empower a dictator.
Trump and MAGA want to keep us in some sense of panic - of imminent doom - and they want to move fast so that they can overthrow the way the nation works before anyone has a chance to process it, let alone stop it.
Fear and speed are their friends.
And this is no way to run a democratic republic. It's more like a banana republic.
So, how do we get out of this?
Well, it starts with not accepting the crisis.
For freak's sake, let's calm down. End the so-called emergencies. Stop the assault on, well, everything and work together to figure out our problems.
Let me even stupidly and naively suggest that we could revive a spirit of compromise in our politics and change the system to fix our very real problems. I know, stupid and naive. Whatever.
But we can't carry on as we are. We can't cater to the whims of our would-be king, his billionaire courtiers, and sycophantic lackeys as they exploit our emotions for their gain.
It's our country, too.
Good luck, America.